lie5graphicaTruth: God made both men and women to be sexually aroused relationally.

Most Christians believe that God made men to be primarily visually aroused. However, a review of the Scriptures will show that God simply does not tell us that. And what we do find demonstrates that it is not God’s design – nor His will – for men. Let’s look at an important passage from Proverbs 5:18.

“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.” (NIV)

In the context of Proverbs 5, it is clear that the “fountain” is a poetic reference to ejaculation. In other words, this is specifically talking about sex. God wants us to “rejoice” (take sexual pleasure) in the wife that we took as young men. And he wants us to “rejoice” in them for the rest of our lives.

If God made men to be visually stimulated, then this command would be cruel, for there is no way that the sight of an old woman’s body is going to be as sexually stimulating as a young woman’s body, if that’s what it takes. What if, after awhile, she ages, droops, gains weight, and/or loses her breasts to cancer, and he can no longer “rejoice” in her because she simply doesn’t have what it takes to “turn him on?” Should that man resort to fantasizing about the images in magazines so that he can “get it to work” with his wife… so long as he keeps his eyes closed?

Some do. But that is not God’s design.

However, that is the logical conclusion of thinking that men are visually stimulated.

The Allure of the Adulteress

I would urge you to read and consider the entire chapter of Proverbs 7. It portrays the enticement of an adulterous woman. Notice how very little of the sexual enticement of the adulteress is visual. The only mention of anything visual is that she is “dressed like a prostitute.” Even this statement is an indication that she was “dressed” (not naked). Clearly, her attire had been chosen to communicate something… it communicated sexual availability! The account is entirely about her communication to the man, not her visual appeal.

In Proverbs 7:21, Solomon summarizes what happened to the man:

“With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk.”

Do you see that it was her words and not her body? It was her communication that seduced him. Communication is a relational event, not a visual one! There is nothing more powerfully alluring to a man than a woman who communicates that she wants him. That’s precisely what the adulterous woman communicates to the young man. And it works, because we are relational creatures.

Some might argue that much of what the woman did was visually perceived. But we call that “non-verbal communication.” Even that which the man picked up visually was part of her communication with him.

Porn Knows the Truth

At its core, the pornography industry knows this is true. Consider the images they sell… the subjects are photographed with a “come on” look which communicates “I want you.”  Pornographic magazines often include biographies on the girls where intimate details are shared… so that every guy looking at them says to himself “Wow, she’d really like me!” That’s a relational response.

And consider the telephone sex lines… if men were primarily visual, those lines wouldn’t make any money, but they thrive. They hook people relationally.

I cannot stress this point too strongly. I would even put it this way:

So long as a man believes that he is primarily aroused visually, he will never be able to break free from his bondage to pornography.

This is why the pornography industry wants you to continue believing and acting as if that lie is true… without it, they have nothing to sell you. This is why the marketing industry has contributed to the conditioning. Without it, they wouldn’t be able to capitalize on the mantra, “Sex Sells!”

The baffling question remains… Why does the church continue to promote this lie?

Back to Lie #2     or       On to Lie #3

2 Responses to Visual Stimulation

  • Excellent post. Thank you so much for debunking the myth. I’ve read a LOT about porn addiction but never this – always ‘visual’, never ‘relational’. Your perspective is unique but clearly true. I’ll share links to your site on the forums, as and when appropriate.

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