lie #2

Truth: Sexual arousal to the sight of nudity is a cultivated and learned response. We always have a choice.

If a medical doctor is indicted for sexual misconduct towards his patients, we would not be moved by a plea of “I can’t help it, it’s the natural response!”
We fully expect a doctor to treat nude bodies with honor, dignity, respect, and purity.
Yet we have no such expectation for those who are not in the medical field. Instead, we have unwittingly – but undeniably – trained generations of young men to be “automatically” aroused by the sight of a woman’s body. The media and marketing industries have, of course, played their role in this conditioned response, but even the church has ratified this response as “normal.” We tell the girls to make sure they cover themselves up adequately so that men will not be caused to “stumble.” We tell the men that as soon as they see something which is forbidden for them to see, they need to look away and/or take steps to remove any such opportunities from their lives. We have defined God’s highest and most beautiful creation as “dangerous” to our spiritual and/or sexual purity.

A Surprising Lie

There is a related issue that I really need to address (Buckle up, this one may shock you). How many well-meaning Christian marriage counselors, books, or seminar instructors have told us that “men are primarily aroused visually”?
I’m sorry, but that’s a lie.
It’s a lie that is so universally believed as to be almost entirely unquestioned in either the secular or Christian world. If you want to consider my assertion from a Biblical perspective, read the  corollary to Lie #2 – Sexual arousal is primarily visual, especially for men. I close that article with this statement, and it’s worth repeating:
So long as a man believes that he is primarily aroused visually, he will never be able to break free from his bondage to pornography.
If you believe you are primarily aroused visually, you will never even attempt to have other responses to the sight of an unclothed body. And you will never fully pursue the true source of sexual arousal, which is in healthy relationship.
If you are still struggling with the idea that men are not designed by God to be aroused visually, take some time to think it through again from a life-long perspective… what does God want sexual unity to look like when a couple is old? Is sexual arousal still supposed to be visual for an older man married to an older woman? The Renewed View is an article that will help challenge your thinking on the comparison between the “traditional” view and the understanding taught by MCAG.

Learn From the Dogs

Let’s return now to Lie #2… Sexual arousal is not an automatic response to the sight of nudity; it is a conditioned response. Like Pavlov’s dogs, we have programmed ourselves to “salivate” sexually as soon as we see any “skin.” By our past experience and conditioning, we “know” that the sexual adrenaline rush has arrived, just because of what we’ve seen. Like the dogs, we hear the bell (see the skin) and we get all juiced up (aroused) because the food (a sexual experience) always accompanies that event. But it is not automatic. We really do have a choice. What is the consequence of never acknowledging that we do have that choice?
It causes us to pursue faulty strategies in our struggle for sexual purity.
We pour all our effort into avoiding exposure. We tell the women to keep covered. We tell the men to look the other way. We enforce “dress codes” designed to minimize temptation. We invoke filters and cancel otherwise beneficial services. We set up behavioral boundaries and join accountability groups. Everything is aimed at making sure we follow all our rules about not letting ourselves see anybody’s skin but our spouse’s.

A Strategy Backfires

Undoubtedly, it is our sincere hope that if we never see anything tempting, we will never fall into lustfulness. Those who have attempted such measures know that they don’t work. Instead, they find themselves devoted to paying careful and constant attention to every last bit of flesh that may come into view. They have, quite literally, committed themselves to staying in bondage, for they do nothing but affirm over and over again that they will always respond to the nude form with sexual lust! Please ponder the significance of that last sentence… It means that the standard strategies we employ for battling sexual addictions actually keep us bound! Some may say, “But, wait… doesn’t it make sense? If you struggle with lusting after women’s bodies, just don’t let yourself see them!” Yes, it does seem to be a wise course of action… so… why doesn’t it work? Simple. These are all man-made rules. Every one of them. Man-made rules do not work. God told us they wouldn’t work. If they ever did work, then God would be untrue. Read again Col. 2:20-23 (emphasis mine):
Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence. (NIV)
Read that again. This is God’s Word…God’s truth. Man-made rules “lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.”
If you are trusting man-made rules to keep you sexually pure, they will fail you.

God’s Rule

We only need God’s rule. And God’s rule is quite simple. In the NT, Jesus said, “Do not Lust” (Matthew 5:28 – paraphrased) and in the OT, the 10th commandment said, “Do not covet your Neighbor’s wife” (Exodus 20:17 – paraphrased) We are never told what we may or may not see. We are simply told not to desire what we do not possess.

Let’s talk about “coveting” and “lust” for a moment.

Most Christians would not consider the two sins to be equivalent. Biblically speaking, however, there is no difference. In the OT, The 10th commandment uses “covet” in reference to our neighbor’s wife. In Proverbs 6:25, the very same Hebrew word is translated “lust” (“Do not lust in your heart after her beauty” – NIV). In the NT, the Greek word Jesus used for “Lust” in Matt 5:28 is used by Paul to quote the 10th commandment (“Do not covet”) in Romans 7:7. The terms are biblically synonymous. So if “covetousness” and “lust” are really one and the same, why is it that we suggest that the solution to coveting women is different than the solution for coveting material goods? Does anyone suggest that the solution to my struggle with coveting my neighbor’s home or car is to build a hedge so tall and wide that I will never see his home or car? Such a solution would only serve to reinforce and validate the covetous response!! Yet this is the solution typically offered for sexual covetousness or lust. And – as we should expect – it only serves to reinforce the lustful response. Isn’t it possible to appreciate the grandeur of my neighbor’s home, or the sportiness of his new car without harboring a desire in my own heart to possess them for myself? Shouldn’t that be my goal? Wouldn’t that be the measure of my freedom from covetousness? By the same token, isn’t it possible to appreciate the elegance of my neighbor’s wife, or the youthful beauty of his daughter without harboring a desire in my own heart to possess them for myself? And again, shouldn’t that be my goal? Likewise, wouldn’t that be the measure of my freedom from lust? I submit to you that it is, that it is possible, and that this is the only real solution to lust. But we’ll never get there if we continue to believe that our response to the unclothed human form will always be sexual.

If you haven’t looked at the Corollary to Lie #2, do it now.  Otherwise, let’s move on to the third lie:  Lie #3

7 Responses to Automatic Arousal

  • Embedded in this lie is the idea that when a man has an erection, he is sexually aroused and seeks release. But in my journey I have learned that we get erections involuntarily sometimes. Just because a man has an erection doesn’t mean that he wants to have sex or is sexually aroused. Our bodies supply our genitals with blood and sometimes the blood supply to the penis is increased to reinvigorate its tissues and exercise the perineal muscles. Erections occur when we sleep for that same reason. Sometimes embarrassment results in an erection and anxiety can cause it too, not just sexual desire. I learned this truth four years ago and it has been a great help to me in my journey.

    • Elmcal…Thanks for writing.

      The experience you’re having is entirely conditioned.

      Remember the post where we talked about the dogs who salivated at the sound of a bell? Because the ringing of the bell always accompanied the delivery of food, they soon got to the point that they would salivate when the bell rang even if no food was provided.

      For you, while you have mentally assented to the fact that the bell (nudity) doesn’t automatically mean food (sexual excitement), your conditioned response is still automatic. It would be that way and remain so for the dogs… for a LONG time… if they only periodically rang the bell. So, how would you UNcondition the dogs? Easy. Ring the bell a lot more… when it’s NOT food-time. In a short amount of time, the conditioning would be broken, because a dog can’t salivate all day long every day. In like manner, more frequent exposure to non-sexual nudity would utterly break the “automatic” response you still have. You can’t have an erection all the time… you’re body cannot sustain it.

      How do you get more frequent exposure to non-sexual nudity? Well, that’s a question for you to decide before the Lord. However, here are some things you can think and pray about. We have recommended a trip or two or three to an art museum… with the express purpose of gazing at the nudes there. Pray about it, and ask the Lord to help you see those images as HE sees them, and to respond to them in accordance with that truth. You might find that spending more time unclothed yourself will help you transform your “automatic” responses. Some have pursued some sort of non-sexual social nudity opportunities (many fear what you believe you would experience there, but the actual experience almost never matches the fear.)

      Pastor David Martin

      • Hi Pastor David!
        Thank God for the wisdom you shared!

        We don’t have any art museums here that displays nude arts.
        Then I had this thought, if it would be helpful to see Nude Art Model pictures instead?

        • Narcis,

          The primary problem with that approach is that it would probably be sitting alone in front of a computer… a place that has NOT typically been a “non-sexual” context for most guys (by habit and practice). The idea is exposure in a non-sexual context so that the conditioned response can be deactivated.

          It might be worth a long-drive field trip to find a museum in a larger city…

          Pray about it… ask the Lord to help you find the right context for your healing.

          And feel free to contact me directly. My email is on the MCAG site.

  • Wow this was earth shattering!! Praise God for leading me to this website. You truly have found the truth and the how to remove the chain. God bless you for your work here.

  • Hi 🙂 I am a female who came upon this website by accident. I recently got married and have been struggling with fear that my husband will be interested in other woman. I have no reason to be in fear because of him it’s just the awarenaess of all the other attractive females I see that makes me scared. I have been sexualized a lot in my life and it caused me to be hardened towards males. I met my now husband and he is amazing and is not in any way struggling with lust but I still find myself in fear he will. He was discussing pornography (he used to be into it for a little in the past) and that society, by making those sites, has people getting addicted to the feeling. Long story short, your body releases a feel good hormone creatine that makes you aroused and the feeling is addicting. It is almost impossible to quit porn on your own. The approach is often to look away and not feed into lust but I love that you say otherwise. To stop an issue you need to come after it at the roots. This website has helped me to understand the biblical approach to the issue the entire world seems to struggle with.

    • Shanalise, welcome! So glad that you found our biblical approach to fighting pornography. It’s wonderful that you and your husband are communicating about it, as trusting each other and sharing what’s going on in your hearts is going to be a key to a long, strong marriage. Be sure to check out the the renewed view of the body. Our society has made our bodies evil or even to be seen as sales tools, but God says we are good! Once we learn that seeing the beauty God has created in each of us (on the outside as well as on the inside), we learn to see each other in a more godly way. Feel free to reach out any time you have a question!

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